This is...

[rinabeana]

OK so I've realized that i a mediocre at best at everything i do. I can't play sports, My grades suck, i can't play any instrument, i can't dance, and I'm not funny, i used to think i could sing but i realized there are way better people than me out there. Like i said I'm mediocre at best. I stutter occasionallyA lot actually and can't say what i think. I act tough on the outside I'm terrified on the inside. I'm bad with word and feelings. Relationships scare me most. I am terrified of having to depend on someone. I'm terrified of being left. I'm always the butt of the joke. I'm terrified of being alone. I'm just plain terrified.

I used to think that i knew a shitload about music then i realized i don't really know . The only thing i am good at is hiding how i feel and lying. I fool those closet to me the easiest. I don't know if its because they don't care or i just know how to work them but all i have to say is "I'm fine, really." and they drop it. I am no one's actually best friend i am just the kid you hang out with occasionally when your bored or sometimes when you generally miss my company. I am the kid you invite to the sleep over when someone drops out or at the last minute because i call. I'm the kid who always invites someone to sleep over but no one can or wants to. I am the one who yeah we have a couple of inside jokes but if it came down to it you would rather hang out with some one else. I am the kid that if it came down to coming to my birthday party or someone else's birthday party you would either stop by for a sec to drop off the gift and then scurry over to the other party. I am that awkward friend that everybody needs...

People think I'm "straight edge" Because i don't drink and don't do drugs. but I don't do drugs because I'm afraid of not being in control and I'm afraid of messing up my voice because i want to be a singerthough i don't know why i bother.. And i don't drink because when i think of alcohol it make my stomach curl into itself because when i tried to kill my self last year i took a bottle of pills and washed it down with Bacardi and now i can't look at pills or alcohol without wanting to vomit.

I have no place in this societyin this world I'm not Pretty. I'm not skinny. I'm not smart. I'm not an athlete. I'm not a stoner. I'd most likely jump out my office window if i had to work a desk job. Where the do i fit in?

This a started with a girl. I wonder if i never talked to her or fell for her would i feel this way? Would i actually being doing well in school? Would i like the same things i like now? Would i be popular or skinny? Would i like Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus instead of Panic! At The Disco and Fall out Boy?


I'm sorry i took up your time. This was just how i'm feeling right now. I don't expect anyone to actually read this. It was suppose to make me feel better it only kinda did but whatever its there now i'm done
Good night.

[AmbulanceIsLate]

Rina, cheer up, hun.
I know it's easier to say than do.
I've been there too.

I have no place in this societyin this world I'm not Pretty. I'm not skinny. I'm not smart. I'm not an athlete. I'm not a stoner. I'd most likely jump out my office window if i had to work a desk job. Where the do i fit in?
I'm like that, too. We just have to MAKE our place in this world. (EX: I'm gonna end up real far in debt, but I'm going to open a concert venue, concerts are the only thing that make me happy. Not exactly your shining star job, but somebody does it.) I'm sure there's something you're good at, you just haven't found it. Maybe you're good at writing or math or maybe you're good at helping someone else.
I can tell you, I'm horrible at 4 out of 5 things I've done. But with enough practice (or fun times doing it) it doesn't seem so bad after a while.
I started high school with no friends. I didn't make any for months, freshman year had nearly ended by the time Kate and I started talking. And then from there I seemed to get a good group of friends. Not too many, but enough. You'll find your niche sometime. Just don't give up. In high school, especially the first two years, everyone's really petty and pathetic, then I think going into junior year something clicks in their head and slowly everyone's more decent and easier to deal with. I don't know what year you're in but people have to grow up, and someday you'll move away and get to start clean, with older, more mature people. I'm sure good things will come.
If you ever need a shoulder, you know where to find me.

[Vampi]

Rina, this is for you.


-Vampi

[coffe4meplz]

I'm also like this. Or at least I think I am, it's how I feel about myself.
I think the reason you feel like this is partially because, you sound a little depressed like you're suffering from low self esteem, also because maybe you haven't found yourself yet.
I want to be a comic book artist but I suck at drawing, but I'm not letting that stop me. And you should stop just because there are people who are 'better' than you. It may take a little hard work and dedication but still! Trust me Rina dear, you're not mediocre. You always make me laugh everytime I talk to you and you always seem so upbeat and stuff that even a few times I envied how happy you were.

Feel Better, Rina <3333

[rinabeana]

Rina, cheer up, hun.
I know it's easier to say than do.
I've been there too.

I'm like that, too. We just have to MAKE our place in this world. (EX: I'm gonna end up real far in debt, but I'm going to open a concert venue, concerts are the only thing that make me happy. Not exactly your shining star job, but somebody does it.) I'm sure there's something you're good at, you just haven't found it. Maybe you're good at writing or math or maybe you're good at helping someone else.
I can tell you, I'm horrible at 4 out of 5 things I've done. But with enough practice (or fun times doing it) it doesn't seem so bad after a while.
I started high school with no friends. I didn't make any for months, freshman year had nearly ended by the time Kate and I started talking. And then from there I seemed to get a good group of friends. Not too many, but enough. You'll find your niche sometime. Just don't give up. In high school, especially the first two years, everyone's really petty and pathetic, then I think going into junior year something clicks in their head and slowly everyone's more decent and easier to deal with. I don't know what year you're in but people have to grow up, and someday you'll move away and get to start clean, with older, more mature people. I'm sure good things will come.
If you ever need a shoulder, you know where to find me.

Thanks and i feel bad i'll come home to an im from you but you'll already be logged off.


I'm also like this. Or at least I think I am, it's how I feel about myself.
I think the reason you feel like this is partially because, you sound a little depressed like you're suffering from low self esteem, also because maybe you haven't found yourself yet.
I want to be a comic book artist but I suck at drawing, but I'm not letting that stop me. And you should stop just because there are people who are 'better' than you. It may take a little hard work and dedication but still! Trust me Rina dear, you're not mediocre. You always make me laugh everytime I talk to you and you always seem so upbeat and stuff that even a few times I envied how happy you were.

Feel Better, Rina <3333
I know i have really bad Self-esteem issues.

[AmbulanceIsLate]

Thanks and i feel bad i'll come home to an im from you but you'll already be logged off.
Don't feel bad! I just have bad timing.